i am a vulnerable human with pain

diary of a ramshackle wildebeest

my recent post on meat-eating was not my most heart-connected post

my degree of heart-opening oscillates day to day

sometimes i can seem to get a little too ‘drunk on emptiness’ and this can seem to sometimes subtly block the full heartcracking embrace of formfulness & our sacramental earthly journeys

thus the pendulum swings

i feel its swings are natural and not to be ‘made wrong’

it is as it is

yet i wanted to follow up and express that after making that post, i ended up going through quite an intense emotional process in the last couple days

the pendulum swung back into the sacramental human-heartful journey and i intensely felt the suffering of this world

i felt the abhorrent travesty of what are we are doing to animals, to children, to each other

i felt fear, sadness, shame, and grief

it was intense and also good humbling, grounding medicine

i’m getting better at seeing that these eruptions of HUMAN FEELING & PAIN are not ‘less enlightened’ than anything else

they’re fully included in the ceremonial dance of What Is

your life, right now, just as it is, humanity & pain fully included, is already fully God

that is true for all of us

no one is actually ‘higher’ or ‘lower’ or ‘more enlightened’ or ‘less enlightened’ — not really

because our fundamental inalienable condition-less condition *is* the Loving Grace of Pure God-ness

the pure mysterious supra-personal Christ LIVES
and forever IS —
as the very fabric of all experience

sure, some beings NOTICE what is always already the case more fully than others — and this tends to lead toward more peacefulness, compassion, sanctification, thanksgiving

yet it’s really always already the case

Loving Grace is always already the case

you are That

you are Loved beyond measure

and you can fully Trust

i recorded this video during my emotional process to share from that space of raw heart-realness:

i also recorded this longer raw vid that will be released tomorrow:

[apologies for audio quality on these two vids, i accidentally recorded w/ old mac mic — it’s still decent tho and these vids felt too real/important to not release]

thank you for reading this diary entry

i love you

warm bear hug,
jordan

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p.s. i have been leading a weekly Sunday men’s circle for about 27 months in a row and a weekly Tuesday circle for about 20 months in a row now — these circles help men and i don't have plans to stop doing this. the brotherly love is real medicine. the work is on a sliding scale to meet men where they are. i know many men are really struggling out there and i believe the work i do can help more men — especially spiritually-open men who may be moving through big healing processes… if this is you or if this is your husband/boyfriend or if you know someone like this, feel welcome to (tell them to) learn more and apply here to join the fun-loving soul-brothas in brothers of the ever innocent heart: https://jordanbates.life/brotherhood ❤️‍🔥

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